TL;DR: I’m driving to Colorado Mon 6/12 - Wed 6/14. So if you’d like to keep me company on the open road and catch up, give me a call.

Contradictions in the joy & sorrow of bittersweet endings

It’s been awhile! Since I last wrote, I’ve officially graduated from the University of Michigan. Why hello there Jess Halter, MBA, MS in Sustainability, Certified Awesome 😎 It's not just new beginnings that deserve celebrations - new years, new houses, new jobs. Celebrating endings is magical because I get to hold the joy of a beautiful experience simultaneously with the grief and nostalgia. My time as an Erb student is over - lots of great memories and enduring friendships. And I’ll always be able to say Go Blue with pride!

After graduation, I went on a trip with some of my family to Croatia! It was full of contradictions. There were lots of highs: biking in beautiful scenery, trying unusual dishes like cuddle fish squid ink risotto, and seeing my brother Marek again! But there were a fair share of lows: lots of rain during the first half of the trip, my mom caught COVID and had to quarantine on the boat, and my sister Erica wasn’t there. After traveling solo for so long, it was a breath of fresh air to collaborate on plans with my family and let the fearless Miranda lead us up steep Croatian “rolling” hills on bicycles! (We NEVER thought the hills she said were “rolling” - just steep uphill!)

My time as a student is over and the family that I’ve been looking forward to for months is now behind me. Endings are bittersweet. This sentiment allows me to simultaneously see how sweet the memories are yet acknowledge the sadness that these events have come to a close.

Sitting in silence

Sitting in silence. This is the title of my favorite podcast episode on the Dirtbag Diaries. I go back and listen to it when I need to remind myself what matters. I’ve adopted the term “wilderness within” that Mike Culpo talks about. I love these two words and they have made it into part of my Life Purpose: “to explore wild spaces and the wilderness within.” So, with that in mind, I signed up for a 7-day silent meditation retreat.

This week was an opportunity to venture deeper into my wilderness within than I’ve ever gone before. I’ve had the contradictory emotions of being extremely stoked and nervous for the past few months. I love to go-go-go, and do-do-do. So sitting in silence for a week-long silent meditation retreat felt very daunting. Even my 96 year old grandpa was impressed by what I was about to do!

Leading up to the retreat, everyone asked me - what do you want to get out of the retreat? The honest answer is I didn’t know. It felt weird to not have a plan, a goal, an intention. But I think this is part of my journey - letting things arrive. I didn’t know how not talking for a FULL WEEK was gonna go. Like you know me, I LOVE to chat! But by closing my mouth and eyes and opening my heart and spirit, I knew there was something special, magical, and profound waiting for me in Big Bear, CA.

The sweet silence

I was surprised that it wasn’t the not-talking-for-7-days that was difficult. Rather, the challenge came from what happened in the silence; I was invited to stay with the thoughts, emotions, judgements, tears, feelings, love, and so forth.

My teacher during the retreat, LC, talked about vipassana meditation as a cultivation practice which felt very fitting for my Sabbatical Superbloom. Insight meditation encourages me to be curious and observe the mind and body to create the right conditions and cultivate the right view for insights to arrive. Much of what surfaced this week is more fitting to share in a 1-on-1 conversation so I invite you to find time to reconnect as I drive west to Boulder, or we can find another time to connect soon! The one thing I did want to share is the inspirational words I wrote that I said at the end of each meditation session:

I notice what I think + cultivate kindness
I notice what I see + cultivate beauty
I notice what I say + cultivate empathy
I notice how I move + cultivate grace
I notice how I feel + cultivate love 

The last few weeks of my sabbatical will be spent exploring the west on bicycle and learning wilderness medicine. So stoked to wrap up my Sabbatical in style.

in gratitude,
jess

Agradecimientos

Edition 06 - Please forgive that I forgot to share these in the last edition!:

• Laura & Kyle & Marney: While I love living my best single life, celebrating birthdays without a partner can be tough! Thank you three for making me feel so loved in making my birthday carrot cupcakes & key lime pie!

• Mom: Thanks for providing loving editing advice.

• Kate, Emerson, John, Lena, & Seamus: Thanks so much for opening up your homes to me! It was so great to catch up, reconnect, and share many delicious meals together. <3

• Nate, Mere, Connor, Linnet, Marney, Kyle, Laura & Hana: Thanks for graciously opening up your homes in Ann Arbor. Sharing meals, coffee & downtime was special.

Edition 07:

• Becca, Mom & Dad: Thanks for being great travel & adventure buddies.

• Erica: Thanks for being an amazing & gracious sister! Love you lots!

• Marek: Thanks for showing us the “bumping” town of Prgomet! You always feel right at home and like part of the family. You are such a rad person and I feel so lucky to call you a brother!

• LC: Thank you for sharing insight meditation with me. Your deep understanding of the practice through a combination of personal practice (bhāvanāmayā paññã) and lectures/discourse learning (sutamayā paññã) was inspiring. I felt so held in the container we created in Big Bear and inspired that this is the beginning of a beautiful journey.

• Eric: Thanks for being the inspiration to consider vipassanā & for the great coaching session.

• Dimitri: Thanks for taking the time to chat about your journey with meditation. You made it OK for me to be a newbie and that there is now reason for me to feel like an imposter in the space.